Danielle: I had a bad dream at my nap. I dreamed that the beer store was on fire.Kerri: Did you say the BEAR store? Like, teddy bears at the toy store?
Danielle: No, I said beer. Like the drink that comes in bottles.
Kerri: Well, why was that a bad dream?
Danielle: Because the beer all got ruined and I couldn't drink it anymore.
"Your anti-freeze is maple syrup?"~Kathy
"I don't know any of your razzle-dazzle college words."~Kerri's mom
Kerri's Mom: You're not drinking soda with breakfast. Have some juice or milk.Kerri: Does CHERRY Coke count as a fruit?
Kerri's Mom: No, it does not. You haven't had a fruit product in, like, 2 months.
Kerri: Not true. At Applebee's last night I had Apple Chimicheesecake. And last week at Chelo's with Lis and Tamarind I had Strawberry Shortcake.
Kerri's Mom: I stand corrected.
Kerri: I can't believe that Mom took you to the mall to get clothes!Katie: Why? I needed more clothes!
Kerri: Yeah! You needed more clothes like I need more fat!
"Art thou tired?"~Mr. Belisle, after watching Romeo and Juliet
"No, seriously. This is really nice artwork...above the belt."~Mrs. Bucci, on Dave, our penis candle guy
Alicia (speaking on behalf of herself, Kerri, and Sarah): We're boycotting Valentine's Day.Gill: Why?
Kerri: Because unlike you, ENGAGED, we don't have someone to give us presents and sex.
Gill: Um, yeah. I get presents and sex every day.
Alicia: The difference, Gill, is that Valentine's Day is the one day of the year when you're socially required to have someone. It's that that we're protesting.
Gill: Whatever, dude. I still get sex and presents every day.
"I've got to tell you, I am, like, the WHORE of the publishing world."~Jodi
"There's a cat in the road! What do I do? Hit it?!"~Ryan, a new driver
Kerri: So I figure the only way I'll ever have sex is by raping someone. Ooh! I know! Colin Firth! I'll rape Colin Firth!Julie: Ya know, you could just hire a man-whore.
Kerri: Good call. Because although I'd much rather rape Colin Firth, I'd definitley get less jail time for the man-whore thing. I think that's the better option for me.
Julie: True story.
"Our house...is a Kerri Kerri Kerri fine house."~Mr. Bucci, because he loves me
"I love how all of the popular people from high school hate college."~Amy, on why she and Kerri hate college
"You, me, Sarah, and Gill all have the SAME face!"~Alicia (obviously it was opposite day)
"You guys are like Laverne and Shirley, with your wacky antics. You should have a TV show. Although if you tried to do the same opening number as Laverne and Shirley you would trip and fall all over the place and someone would get hurt."~Tamarind, on Lisa and Kerri
"I'd be like, 'Why waste time? Pick up my skirt and stick it in me!'"~Julie, on having sex in the days when women wore corsets and 67 layers of clothing
"Man, it hurt! It really made me feel sorry for the slaves...it must have killed to be whipped all the time!"~Jen, on getting hit with the weed-wacker string
"I like her!"~Ellen, talking about Kerri like she wasn't 2.5 feet away from her
"I like them hard and without anything on them."~Alicia (actually talking about books), saying how she prefers hardcover books without the bookjacket